Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
