Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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