Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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