i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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