Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize