Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
