Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
