I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Randomize
