her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
