You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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