i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
