**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
did i just pee glitter
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
