I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
