You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
