sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
