I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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