i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
