The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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