someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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