I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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