Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
