OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
