are you so shy because you have an std?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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