i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
