Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
