you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
