i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
