Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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