On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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