last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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