Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
