I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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