batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
His hands were made for my vagina.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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