I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize