I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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