we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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