good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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