I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
