I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
