Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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