so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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