I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
