drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
