lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
