Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
