Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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