Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
