Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
