she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
