hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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