I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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