You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
