If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We need to rekindle our bromance
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
