what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
