dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
