Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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