I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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