went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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