i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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