if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
