I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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