She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
