After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
