I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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