I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
