is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
