I just cut my nipple shaving
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
