if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
