Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
