i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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