You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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