He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
